Don’t rubbish your ex – your kids might need them one day

By Diane Benussi

There are few marriages that break up without any hurt or animosity on either side.

This is understandable – maybe they cheated on you; perhaps they gambled away your life savings or put their career before you and the family – but if you have children it is vital you try to remain on at least civil terms with your ex.

If that is impossible because emotions run too deep, then whatever you, don’t bad-mouth your former partner in front of the children.

Trying to turn your children against your former partner – even if they’re not a good parent – is always the wrong thing to do. Whatever your ex’s failings, the children will almost certainly love them dearly and want to maintain contact with them. You should do all you can to both enable and encourage this.

And let me tell you one of the reasons why. What if something happened to you? What if you fell ill and, God forbid, died? What would become of your children then?

If you were seriously ill or no longer around, your children would need their other parent like never before. How terrible it would be if you had poisoned their minds against their mother or father to the point they were estranged or unable to feel they could depend upon them for love and support.

No one can know when or if tragedy might strike, but it’s wise to keep the possibility in mind. Losing a parent is dreadful enough for any child – whatever their age – but to lose one parent and have a poor or non-existent relationship with the remaining one would be doubling devastating.

So, whatever the circumstances that surrounds your divorce, and however acrimonious it is, always try to keep the bitterness between the two of you and resist the urge to rubbish your ex in front of the children.

You might loathe your former partner, but if you weren’t around or were unable to care for your children because of illness, you would surely want to know that the kids had their biological parent there for them – to give them the love, comfort and guidance you can no longer provide.

We are experts in all financial disputes arising from a relationship breakdown. Whether you need negotiation outside the court process or robust representation at court, we are there to steer you through. Benussi & Co. can help you reach a financial settlement during a divorce, civil partnership dissolution or separation.

If you’re going through the divorce process, child arrangements may be weighing heavy on your mind. We can help you with all child arrangement issues, arising from a breakup. Visit our child arrangements page to get further information on the support we can provide.

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