Want to keep your eye on the divorce ball? Live like a nun, for a year.
A piece of advice I give to all new female clients is to “live like a nun” for a year. Don’t embark on a new romance and, if you already have, finish the relationship or set it aside for the foreseeable future.
If you’ve been trapped in a miserable marriage for a long while, the prospect of new romance is thrilling. It provides distraction, great sex and a welcome boost to your battered self-esteem.
However, it also seriously undermines your ability to keep your eye firmly focused on the divorce process. If you’re wrapped up in the excitement of having found someone to share your empty bed, you won’t be able to concentrate fully on working with your lawyer to thrash out the best possible settlement.
As soon as you start having good sex again, the hormones will kick in and you’ll imagine yourself in love. Once that happens, you will lose your edge in the divorce proceedings – viewing the process through lust-rimmed spectacles rather than hard, metal ones.
Having a new beau in the picture will not only cloud your judgement and soften your resolve, it risks rubbing your ex up the wrong way. Even if your husband has gone off with someone else, he is likely to cut up rough if he knows you have found new romance (men are like that!) And if he thinks you are snuggled in another man’s arms, he will be more determined to argue against providing for you financially.
Whilst you are luxuriating in feeling “ loved-up “, you will be less likely to fight tooth and nail for what you can rightfully claim from your ex: you will start to feel that it doesn’t matter so much anymore – you have a new man and that’s your future.
Meanwhile, your jealous ex will be working away to ensure you get as little out of him as possible.
Then it’s all over – not only the divorce, but also the new romance – and you’re left with a rubbishy settlement and no man. And while new men aren’t that difficult to come by, you only get one chance to make sure your divorce settlement – which can affect the rest of your life – is as beneficial to you as possible.
If you found this article useful and are looking to take the first steps in your divorce, get in touch to see how our team can help you.