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The disadvantages of having an affair

The prospect of starting a secret relationship is captivating. An illicit liaison can offer distraction from the humdrum reality of everyday married life. For some people, having an affair can be a catalyst for change and offer a positive new direction. All too often at Benussi & Co. Limited we see clients who have had or are having an extra-marital affair, but regret the negative consequences.

The secrecy involved in keeping your affair from your spouse can take a psychological toll. The fear of risking exposure by making a mistake, such as forgetting your lie about where you are supposed to have been, or calling your partner by the wrong name, can lead to elevated stress levels, anxiety and depression.

Conducting an affair requires significant levels of forward planning. If you have a busy job and family life, you will have to neglect parts of normal life to make time for an affair. People think that no-one has noticed them withdrawing from their family environment in order to send clandestine texts and calls, but their frequent trips to the loo or to the bottom of the garden get noticed.

Technology makes it easier to keep in touch with a secret lover – but, it also makes it much more likely that you will be found out. Thanks to the on-screen notifications available on many messaging apps, as well as GPS and mapping technologies tracking your smartphone’s movements, people having affairs have to work hard to keep them secret.

There is no specific ‘type’ of person most likely to stray.

Sometimes we see men who have been targeted by predatory women – the office piranha – who deliberately pursue affluent, older males in the workplace. These men may try to legitimise their illicit relationship by divorcing their wives and marrying the younger model – only to find that they end up in the same situation that they were in before.

It is very difficult to keep an affair secret. If you’re considering having one, you should consider the consequences if your adultery is discovered.

As well as the psychological fallout of dealing with the guilt that frequently accompanies an affair, there can be physical health repercussions too. You may spread sexually transmitted diseases to your spouse. There can also be serious financial implications to an affair – it is difficult to fund two romances simultaneously. If your infidelity leads to divorce, then your entire financial assets will be identified, valued and divided; this frequently involves selling the family home, and significant changes to your living standards.

It is better to try to identify the shortcomings in your current relationship and solve them, or to be upfront and honest with your spouse if things aren’t working as they should. It is possible to move on amicably without resorting to adultery. Going behind your husband or wife’s back will lead to significant hurt, as well as impacting on your relationships with your wider friends and family, and, most importantly, your children.

If you or your partner has had an affair, you may find that you require the services of a sympathetic and discreet divorce solicitor. It’s important to note that the reasons for your divorce, including committing adultery, won’t have an effect on the way that your financial settlement is agreed or impact upon access to your children. We are specialists in complex and high-net worth divorces, and are used to dealing with difficult situations. If you need advice on filing for divorce, please get in touch with the Benussi & Co Limited family law team, by calling us on 0121 248 4001 or emailing us at info@benussilaw.co.uk





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